“This is where the judge sits,” I began, pointing to the bench. His lawyer said: “Please describe the incident that caused you to suspect your wife is unfaithful.” The husband replied: “I’m on the road all week, so naturally when I’m home I like to be with my wife. -Thomas Jefferson I decided law was the exact opposite of sex; even when it was good, it was lousy. BrainyQuote has been providing inspirational quotes since 2001 … Below you will find our collection of inspirational, wise, and humorous old law quotes, law sayings, and law proverbs, collected over the years from a variety of sources. In his wisdom he decided that he would represent himself in court. ... quotes… One day I was showing a group of ninth-graders around. Wisdom Quotes. - Robert Smith Surtees; Whoever tells the best story wins. These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place. In the courtroom, it's where a lawyer really becomes an actor. ... More funny jokes are listed on the left hand side or listed in the Jokes page. Imagine how everyone was obliged to remain calm and orderly during the exchange. ~Norm Crosby A jury consists of twelve persons chosen to decide who has the better lawyer. ~Robert Frost This is a court of law, young man, not a court of justice. The stock phrases and legal terminology likely to be used in any trial scene. 6 - Funny Lawyer Questions. Your lawyer is always on your side. ... Surf more pages for the funniest video clips, most hilarious jokes, most interesting facts,....., fun games, quotes, and more useful and beneficial content. ... Kevin Hart Funny Quotes. Discourage litigation. - John Quincy Adams; A Lawyer will do anything to win a case, sometimes he will even tell the truth. Q: Who provided you with the description? HOW DO COURT STENOGRAPHERS KEEP A STRAIGHT FACE?_ These are from a book called "Disorder in the Court" and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while the exchanges were taking place. See more ideas about humor, lawyer jokes, lawyer humor. Most of the questions your lawyer asks are questions you can answer. When you go into court you are putting your fate into the hands of twelve people who weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty. It is not intended to be legal advice and you would be foolhardy to rely on it in respect to any specific situation you or an acquaintance may be facing. Said by the bailiff when the judge(s) enter(s). A: No, sir, I didn’t. _____ o Lawyer: "Was that the same nose you broke as a child?" Funny lawyer quotes: Here they come: There are three sorts of lawyers - able, unable and lamentable. Order in the Court: It's time to party (blueish-green color) Order in the Court: It's time to party (pink wording) **PLEASE LET ME KNOW IF YOU WOULD LIKE THE COLORS OR WORDING CHANGED :) This hilarious birthday card says it all and is perfect for a lawyer or anyone in the judicial field. Law Sayings and Quotes. screenshot The Firm (1993): "I discovered the law again. 10 Funny Judicial Quotes Grey Bitter / April 9, 2019 / Bitter by Numbers , Features Lawyer , Lawyer / 15 Comments Our Empire of Bitterness is proceeding full steam ahead. The court clerk sits over there. Dumb and Funny Things Said In Court: The Scotland Chronicles. Mrs. Hill, an Australian solicitor, entered the practice of law, wrote up a will for a testatrix giving a house to the testatrix’ neighbour and friend, a Mrs. Rona Van Erp. LAWYER: And as a result, you passed within a few yards of the duck pond? Lawyer's Jokes "The lawyer died and went directly to the Pearly Gates. The following quotations are taken from official court records across the nation, showing how funny and embarrassing it is that recorders operate at all times in courts of law, so that even the slightest inadvertence is preserved for posterity. Each summer, the lawyer would invite a different friend of his (no, that's not the punch line) to spend a week or two up at this place, which happened to … Wisdom Quotes. Check out these hilarious stories from lawyers and judges. LAWYER: On the morning of July 25th, did you walk from the farmhouse down the footpath to the cowshed? Best Lawyer Story. Today, many courts will only do this twice a day—once when the judge gets on the bench … (In the US). -George Bernard Shaw It was only a matter of time before this tripped up some lawyer, somewhere. It is only through the enforcement of the law that the global citizen can feel safe in this global village. Funny Quotes. These are actual quotes of what people said in court, word for word: Q: Did you see my client flee the scene? Explore 436 Lawyers Quotes by authors including Charles Dickens, Peter Diamandis, and Danny DeVito at BrainyQuote. You'll never look at a court … These funny divorce quotes will free your brain from the strain, and let you laugh about your half of the split-o-rama drama. Funny exchanges between lawyers and witnesses in American courts. (Witness remains silent.) St. Peter says to him, “You only look about 45 years old.” “Yes,” says the lawyer, “I just turned 45.” “But our records say that you are 94 years old.” “Oh,” responded the lawyer, “you must have been looking at my billing records.” Famous Quotes and Sayings About Lawyers. Here we take a look at movies with memorable legal quotes that resonate with the viewer for various reasons, from the truth of the statement to the comedic value. "All rise!" Funny lawyer quotes in court keyword after analyzing the system lists the list of keywords related and the list of websites with related content, in addition you can see which keywords most interested customers on the this website Quick, Short, Funny Court Appearance Jerry Bartle was arrested and put on trial for robbing a local shop at gunpoint. “The lawyers sit at these tables. WITNESS: I did. Persuade your neighbor to compromise whenever you can. ... LAWYER: A professional advocate hired to bend the law on behalf of a paying client; for this reason considered the most suitable background for entry into politics. Immediately before the impact, my right foot was located at the immediate end of my right leg. ... Barrister, Solicitor, Attorney and Lawyer (and Notary Public!). These “law” themed pick up lines can help you score with people in the law and regulation field. When I was a practising lawyer in the family court, there were too many judges who, when you left their courtroom, you didn't know whether you'd won or whether you'd lost. 7. These funny lines are real - Source Below! LAWYER: Well, could you tell the Court what you saw? And if you can't your lawyer will help you find a way to do so, by God. There's a very fine line between delivering a monologue in a play and delivering a monologue to a jury. Lawyers actually have a lot of fun doing what they do, and I should know. But subsequently I observed someone running several blocks away who matched the description of the offender. Your lawyer is warm, your lawyer is sympathetic, your lawyer makes notes on a yellow pad and nods in all the right places. Your enemies are his enemies. Funny Quotations Divorce, Group 1 Instead of getting married again, I'm going to find a woman I don't like and just give her a house. 8 He appeared to be doing reasonably well until the shop's owner took the stand to give his evidence. As a peacemaker the lawyer has a superior opportunity of being a good man. WITNESS: I did. Funny Quotes. LAWYER: And did you observe anything? Some of the movies are based on true stories and others on total works of fiction, but all make for very interesting entertainment. Court was in recess and only the clerk and a young man in custody wearing handcuffs were in the courtroom. from a book: Disorder in the American Courts ... Court's Disorder. COURT STENOGRAPHERS. Free Stuff. Your Honor, I can produce 500 people who didn't see me steal it. Sep 15, 2019 - Explore Sue Rhodes's board "Courtroom Humor" on Pinterest. I just heard it today that she doesn’t meet the requirements and by the way the lawyer that wrote that piece is a very highly qualified, very talented lawyer. That’s why here I have come with some famous inspirational quotes for law students (on study or already a graduates) as well as for lawyers. -Mortimer Zuckerman Whenever you wish to do anything against the law, Cicely, always consult a good solicitor first. I'm a lawyer. A salesman was testifying against his wife in a divorce court. Please state the location of your right foot immediately prior to impact. This card is a print from one of my pen & ink drawings… You say you're innocent, yet five people swore they saw you steal a watch. o Witness: "I only have one, you know." Take it, call your mother, and tell her there is serious doubt about you ever becoming a lawyer." -Criminal lawyer saying It is the trade of lawyers to question everything, yield nothing, and talk by the hour. Funny Lawyer Quotes 'If it weren't for my lawyer, I'd still be in prison. Hit on law professionals such as paralegals, court house workers, and attorneys. More Quotes on Lawyers. Funny Clean Courtroom Jokes . Maybe the best lawyer story of the year, decade, and probably the century. A certain lawyer was quite wealthy and had a summer house in the country, to which he retreated for several weeks of the year. Funny; Lawyer Quotes. WITNESS: I did. It went a lot faster with two people digging.' Joe Martin A lawyer starts life giving $500 worth … The lawyer then asked Rona’s husband to act as a … The excerpts from funny court reports might sound like they were taken from a madcap movie script, but they're all things folks have actually heard during a trial. ~Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr. > 12 TV/Movie Lawyer Quotes You'll Never Forget 12 TV/Movie Lawyer Quotes You'll Never Forget Some of the images are true to form; we really do work all hours of the night on cases when we need to and sometimes litigation can be as dramatic as the best television representation. Make these pick up lines related to the lawyer profession to help you add some flirty spice into your life. The world we live in is not a safe place. And regulation field the American courts... court 's Disorder Smith Surtees ; Whoever tells the best lawyer of... Superior opportunity of being a good man interesting entertainment result, you passed within a few yards of year! 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